Monday, November 27, 2006
i'm moving on...
my heart breaks when i get to noe more about e both of them.
but i noe there's no point.
my tears should only roll for e person tat's worth.
leaving dbs soon.
after tat i'm gonna rest for a while till my surgery.
and slowly wait for my recovery.
poor me.bdae n christmas is gonna be alone.
tat's very bad.
but i noe after i recover,
everyday will be better then bdaes n christmasss.
smilex-
shiming found himself a partner.
glad for him.
not a bit of jealousy.
cos i noe i got over him ever since zack appeared.
anyway.drawing blood for surgery use tml.
god!!bless me.i'm scared of pain.
---
Sunday, November 26, 2006
i lost trust in you.
anyway.who cares.
i'm hangin on firmly.
keep tellin myself to stay strong.
and i have to keep pretending.
drawing blood on tue.
oh god!!BLOODD!!MY BLOOD!!
trying to keep myself packed up.
he's living well.so why cant i.
smilex-
didnt wanna go club at all.
but i still went cos i don wanna be a spoil sport.
called up christine.
acc her to momo.gideon's bdae.
so i went with her.
saw many of ex dbs n dbs guys.
saw lin ge ge too.
loves.
alright.
mos suck today.
there's jux too many pple.
too many to even dance.
i'm so irritated.
luckily christine brought me to vip corner,
where prasad n gang was there.
but i was running here and dere.
cos couldnt leave vann alone.
anyway,i;ve been irritated.
the graveyards n martells didnt bring me down e grd.
wat a weird case.
i wasnt even high.
boring~
home at last.
better go slp before my tears roll down again.
wahaha.
don think they will for today.
life has to go on~
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i'm scolded for being stupid.
for degrading myself.
thks gal.i realised it.
soon..time will prove evrything.
like wat i say,after my recovery.
everything wil be on my way.
no one is ever gonna treat me like this anymore.
cos by den,i'll be cherished.
i have to realise.
he's it.
and therefore tell myself.
we're over.
now i need to stay strong.
it's gonna be a hard time.
but thinking tat he's not affected n i'm like an idiot,
i've decided.it's so unfair.
get over him,time will really prove who he is.
even if he really treat me well.
but if he can bear to do this to me.
means i'm nth to him.
get on with life.
i've learnt my lesson.
things gonna be different after i get well frm my spine.
i promise.
by den,i'm gonna be e one teaching.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
i'm so dishearted-
i'm so confused.
it's e end.
i have to let go.
or i'll be like an idiot.
he doesnt care anymore.
it's time for me to wake up.
may god bless u.
even if e rumours are true.
as long as u are happy.
it's gonna be a tough road once again.
it was 2 yrs back.and now.
but i'm blessed with frenx.
although i noe it's him i wan.
time will prove everything.
including him.
and now.jux let time do e job.
leave this job.
leave this unhappy place.
although i once had happy memories.
but only cherished by me.
it's time i learn to not give to much in a relationship.
if not i'm gonna suffer again.
whether u r really affected by this or not.
i jux hope u stay happy always.
ur frenx are always ard u.
trust me.
loves.
heartbroken-
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
let me continue with life.
Monday, November 20, 2006
i'm so tired.
like wat kelvin says,
i think i can really take over e shift of mr panda in e zoo.
we msged.normally.
but i don wan to be jux frenx.
i'm changing.i wan him back.
i still rmb when i first came to dbs.
he always take sweets frm me.
and he loves to 'mei mei' here 'mei mei' dere.
den i will always 'yes ge ge'
he's one of those who treat me nice in e office.
or i should say everyone treats me nice.
i miss uncle tang,i miss yen,i miss so many of dem.
as for teacher chan.nah.meet up often.so not missing.ha.
and i noe he's always dere for me.
i didnt expect we would be tog.
and i didnt expect to fall so deep.
memories jux keep flowing back.
although it was jux short 6 mths.
it was precious.at least to me.
i have no more him to fall back on now.
no him to hug me when i'm cold.
no movies.
no dinners.
no more him to tell me wat nonsense i write on my blog.
cos he wont come here anymore.
no more dvds.
no more of his smelly pillow.
i'll miss his bolster.
hey,i'm sounding like e world is gonna end.
haha.
no.i'm gonna change.yes for myself n for my happiness.
anyway.i miss him-
no matter wat,i noe i still have my frenx with me.
my fears for e surgery is gettin stronger.
no more him to slp by my side beside my ward bed.
if only time turns back.
heartbroken-
Sunday, November 19, 2006
zouk was fun.got really high.
new frenz.
after realising i'm gonna puke due to too much alcoholic.
i cheated.
i keep pouring away mine.
well.ha.i have to stay awake.no drukens.
we sorts things out i guess.
he made me feel so lousy.
but i noe i am.
i'll wait for e day u come back.
i'll make myself worth for u to love me back.
quiting dbs soon.
i jux dunno how to stay dere.
anyway,i needa get prepared for my surgery.
i'm starting to be scared.
but i wanna be a happy gal.
heartbroken-
Saturday, November 18, 2006
i'll learn to live.
i don wanna live another 2 yrs of misery.
tian's bade today.happy bdae cousin!!
zouk tonight.
gettin out of misery`
need to occupy myself.
smilex-
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
he says i cant understand.
but i noe i do.
but i jux don understand even though busy,
why arent there e least concerns?
i dun even noe whr the fucking hell my bf went for sales.
right.maybe i'm e one tat's fucked up.
let it be.i'm too tired to be bothered.
but i jux cant have e fucked up feelin,
when my bf doesnt even bother about me a single bit
even when he's busy.
maybe he's stressed up.,too stressed up.
i should understand.
i shall den.
i shall do without him.
6th mth on sat.but not with him.
mos on sat with cousins n frenx.
maybe i'll be happier like tat.
but i noe i wont.
i've fallen too deep.
op on e 11th dec.
best bdae present.
down`
depressed`
disappointed`
i'm feelin so fucked up now.
i jux duno wat's goin on.
but wat i noe is,
i'm gonna live independently.
it's time i be selfish.
heartbroken-
Monday, November 13, 2006
back from genting.
it's so nice to be home.
i miss my two dearest.
but one of them doesnt seemed to be.
it's ok.
genting was alright.
got a chance into e casino.
it was not as great as i expected.
played jackpot.so lame.
e weather was not tat cold compared to e last time i went.
shared room with eng tian.
wth.always waking me up early in the morning.
but he was a great cousin.great companion throughtout e 3 days 2 nights.
one of e reasons we were up dere was becos of totalife's 11th anniversary.
it was all so nonsense.
wasted time on them.
but great to see aunt so happy.
chloe was superb cute.
she's another reason i enjoyed myself,
despite my pain.
anyway.
i'm so miserable now.
i;m so in pain.but no one can help.
dear's at shin bar now.
no doubt bout enjoyin himself.
i missed him`
Sunday, November 05, 2006
ryan's bdae.
van came to my hse first.
meet up with dear n went to mr bean's.
momo's ambience wasnt really for me.
or should i say.clubbing's not for me.
but i noe my bestie enjoys it.
road block on e way to wan dou sek.
luckily dear wasnt driving.
he smell of alcohol for e whole nite.
haha.as usual van had a red face.
pls replenish e stocks.
i wan step up soundtrack.
work tml.boring.but i rather work.
at least i don need to think of whr to go n spend $$ when i'm bloody broke.
sgh on tue.
i'm scared.but i wanna get my spine done.
i wanna be a happy gal.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
back to dbs.
same routine everyday now.
wake up early.work.go home.
fun only on weekends.
i need enuff rest for work.
'step up' ytd nite with my 2 dearest.
it was great.e dance,e actors,e songs n everything.
perfect.i love it.
ryan's bdae tonite.momo?
or shall i go zouk with van?
but i always prefer mos.
anyway.dear's grandad bdae too.
goin for dinner later.
AH BU'S MISSING.
I MISS HIM.
poor sis has benn crying for e whole day ytd.
i hope he's not tortured.
poor old dog.he's old.
how can he survive outside.
pls come back-
